This time last year, I had a rough plan in place that was going to get me where I needed to be physically, but I was blissfully unaware of the changes I desperately needed to make in so many other areas of my life.
I’m not going to sit here and pretend like I’ve got it all figured out now that I’m 30. It’s more important to know (and accept) that I never will.
Releasing your fingers from their death-grip on perfection takes away so much of the self-inflicted pressure, you know?
At 29, my life looked pretty good on paper, and even better on Instagram. But the glory of life is that it is ever-changing – sometimes for the better, and sometimes for the worse. This past year of my life was full of triumphs and tribulations, the latter of which created tiny fractures in my being. Those tiny fractures have been healing (albeit slower than I’d like) and molding me into the person I’m meant to be moving forward. With so much happening in my personal life I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that society’s idea of what my life should look like at this point in time really doesn’t matter.
Don’t want to date people “appropriate” for your age? Not interested in having kids? No plans to own a home one day? That’s okay, and there’s nothing more to it. I wholeheartedly believe in living your life in a way that will bring you the happiness your soul desires, which in turn will allow you to be the best person you can possibly be to both yourself and to the people in your life.
This quote from Oriah Mountain Dreamer has been top of mind as of late: “I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human. It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy. I want to know if you can see beauty even when it’s not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure, yours or mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “yes!” It doesn’t interest me who you know, or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back. It doesn’t interest me where or what or with who you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.” Here’s to staying true to yourself, to finding the beauty in the mediocre days, to striving for independence while acknowledging that it’s okay to ask for help when you need it. Here’s to embracing change, to bringing your ideas to fruition, no matter how crazy they may sound when you say them out loud, to stepping outside of your comfort zone, and to loving with all you’ve got.
I’m beyond grateful for another year on this earth as tomorrow is denied to so many. I hope to keep growing, trusting, learning, loving, laughing, and wearing my heart on my ruffle-y sleeve in my next 30 years.
As always, I appreciate you following along with me more than you will ever know!
And if you’re wondering if I cried my way through this post, the answer is yes. I guess there are some things that never change, and that’s a-okay with me.
Lots of love to you. ✌🏼
SHOP THE POST:
WAYF Off-the-Shoulder Dress // Ann Taylor Block Heels // Maya Brenner Initial Necklace // Monica Vinader Bracelet (in gold) c/o // BaubleBar Tortoise Cuff // Lancome Lip Crayon (in Oui, Monsieur)
Photos by Iron and Honey Photography